Have you ever felt disconnected from your spouse? Maybe you may feel a distance from each other that makes you yearn for something deeper. It’s like you are hungry for a connection that you just can’t seem to find in your day-to-day (or maybe even month-to-month) rhythm as a couple.

This hunger for greater connection can be a great catalyst for your marriage or a dangerous porthole. You might thinking, What do you mean by that? But here’s the thing—the danger is that your hunger will always look for an outlet.

Dangerous outlets can be so deceiving. In some ways, they may seem harmless, but over time they can become destructive hurdles that can cause hurt and greater distance in your marriage. One example of this may be your media habits. On the outside, they’re a great way to stay connected and pass time. But these outlets can become time wasters if you’re not careful. They can even become escapes from difficulties in your relationship that can lead to camouflaged traps luring you into habits that will not help you gain oneness with your spouse.

Sometimes we make the excuse that we need some of these outlets to “survive” hard seasons in marriage, but Jeremiah 17:9 reminds us to watch out for how our heart can lead us astray. If you let your emotions lead your actions, you’ll always find yourself lost. We need to guard our heart like Proverbs 4:23 tells us to. Everything flows from this vital and susceptible area of our life. Check your heart like Psalm 139:24 reminds us to—let God have access. Maybe it’s time to let trusted accountability partners speak into your heart to help you gain strength.

But on the other hand, your hunger for greater connection can also be a positive source that drives health. This drive for connection can, and should, give you fuel to move towards your spouse. It’s the energy that pushes you to try again, persevere through the difficult patches, and get creative during the dry seasons. It’s the motivation to go deeper and to breakthrough any barrier that holds you from intimacy. In Proverbs 5:18, it tells us of the perpetual joy, blessing, and refreshment that can come from our spouse. How do we miss it? How does this get lost?

I know for us it’s so easy to lose this connection. It’s a delicate balance. And maybe as you read this, you’re realizing the same exact thing. You have lost your balance and your connection to your spouse and it needs attention.

As you plan your day today, make a phone call, out of the blue, and speak to your spouse. Let them know you are thinking of them. Ask them how you can pray for them today. Make it a point to send a text message and when you get home follow up. Ask them how that prayer request was answered. Make your spouse a priority every day. Pursue your spouse. Spend time every night sitting together talking, touch your spouse as you talk, look each other in the eyes, and allow yourself to breathe in each other’s space. Build a pattern of this and watch your connection grow.

Guard your date night. Let that time be consistent, as frequent as you can, and make it center around activities that allow you to truly connect. This isn’t just a part of our to-do list or a task to be checked off. It’s part of how we build vitality into our rhythm of marriage.

Connect in a manner that allows you both to walk away feeling fulfilled, loved, accepted, and cherished. This takes time to develop, and thinking that you will always have nights like this is unrealistic. Even when things fail, look for ways to laugh and redeem the difficult moments. Find joy in the hard times and good times. Learn to laugh it off. If you have a spouse that does not do this, serve your spouse in this way and trust God for the reciprocation. He can revive your marriage and breathe life into areas that you may think are dead.

Dare to hope again. Dare to pray the prayer of faith again. Dare to love deeply, pursue wholeheartedly, and connect deeply. God is still able to do exceedingly greater than we can ever think or imagine (Ephesians 3:20). It’s true for you today and for your marriage!