Scripture Guide

Marriage is a gift from God, established as a lifelong covenant that reflects His faithful love and points to the relationship between Christ and His church (Genesis 2:24; Ephesians 5:31–32). While it brings companionship, joy, and intimacy, its deepest purpose isn’t simply personal happiness but mutual growth as both a husband and wife become more like Jesus, learning to love with grace, humility, sacrifice, and forgiveness. 

As Tim Keller often observes, marriage is designed to make us holy more than merely happy, and as C.S. Lewis reminds us, lasting love is rooted not only in emotion but in faithful commitment that seeks another’s good. Dr. Juli Slattery highlights that even marital intimacy is meant to reflect God’s holy design rather than merely satisfy personal desires. 

But the reality of the human condition is that we all suffer from a selfishness problem. And marriage, in fact, is the great revealer of our selfishness. You actually don’t realize how selfish you are until you’re in a serious relationship. Once you think you’ve solved your selfishness problem and things are running smoothly, you get married and then realize just how selfish you really are. And then, you start having kids, and you guessed it, you realize just how selfish you really, really are. 

One of the truths about marriage is that each day is an ongoing discovery of our own selfishness. And if you think about it, it makes sense. Before you entered into a relationship with your spouse, you spent almost every moment thinking about yourself. All the decisions about your life, for the most part, had you at the center—your budgeting, calendar, daily schedule, and more. Then, as you progressed in your relationship, you reached a point where you brought your spouse into decision making and dreamed together about what life and family could look like together. Together is the key word. Now in marriage, you serve, lead, dream, and live together. No longer is life centered around you, but now it features someone else. As Jesus says, you are “no longer two, but one.” 

And “becoming one” is actually one of the most beautiful parts about marriage. You and your spouse are building something new together. In marriage, you have an opportunity to get right everything your parents got right, and get right everything your parents got wrong. You get to choose what you bring into your marriage and pave a new way, a third way together. And in doing that, you aren’t losing your individuality, but taking what’s unique about you and what’s unique about your spouse, and then becoming one together.  

Self-Centered Marriage: my preferences, my schedule, my comfort, my family patterns.

Gospel-Centered Marriage: our life, our calling, our home, our shared formation under Christ.

A gospel-centered marriage requires deep humility. Gospel humility is the kind of humility that looks and sounds like Jesus, rather than what popular leadership or pop-psychology books might say. As Paul writes about humility, so should marriages seek to live in their relationship: doing “nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit” (Philippians 2:3 NIV), but instead, valuing your spouse above yourself and looking to their interests. 

Because ultimately, marriage is a partnership for God’s mission—a relationship that displays the gospel, serves others, and points beyond itself to the greater hope of our eternal union with Christ. It’s a beautiful gift, but not the ultimate one; only Jesus can fulfill the deepest longings of the human heart.