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In week two of this special series, Pastor Doug explored what holy sexuality looks like. In this message, we discovered the framework for Christians to be able to honor the Lord sexually despite living in a fallen and sexually broken world, whether we’re single, married, divorced, widowed, or physically unable to express our sexual desire. We also learned that our whole life changes when we stop looking for identity on the outside and embrace our God-given identity.
Watch the video below to see a few highlights from the teaching and share it with your friends via social media. To watch the message in its entirety, click here.
Special Note: As you walk through this series with us, we encourage you to read these passages from the Bible to give you a richer understanding of God’s plan and purpose for sexuality: Genesis 1-2; Song of Solomon; Hosea 6–7; Matthew 19; Romans 1; and 1 Corinthians 6–7.
Let’s recap some of the key talking points from Pastor Doug’s message this weekend:
There are hundreds of books on human sexuality, sex, and sexual expression. There are even books from Christian authors on purity and sexuality from a biblical perspective. And what we see with these books are that, every few years, new editions have to be printed that are slightly different and more inclusive of the new, ever-changing norms when it comes to sexuality. However, there is one book that talks a lot about sexuality—the true purpose and design for it, and how to experience the most pleasure and fulfillment in it—that never changes, that doesn’t require new editions, addendums, or revisions: the Bible. 2 Timothy 3:16–17 (NIV, emphasis added) tells us, “All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.”
If we want the answers to how we can live our best life in the area of sexuality, how we can experience the original, perfect design and purpose for sex, and how we can be restored from sexual brokenness, the Bible, the Word of God, is the only source we should be going to.
Key framework regarding sexuality: Last week, we established a framework for sexuality that must be understood in order to move forward . . .
Sex is more than just a physical act. It is the mingling of souls. It is a physical act that bonds people together in body, soul, and spirit. It is a deeply powerful act that is meant to point to the covenant work of Jesus Christ with His people, His bride, His Church. It is a representation of our union with Him, and as a husband (representative of Christ) and a wife (representative of the Church) come together in holy matrimony under covenant with God and unite themselves, body, soul, and spirit, there is a beautiful glimpse of heaven to be found there. But outside of that beautiful covenant, there is brokenness.
Walking in sexual brokenness leads to pain, confusion, and emptiness.
How can you honor the Lord and walk in holy sexuality?
For the single Christian . . . Walk in integrity and community, as you are able to able to give the Lord your undivided attention during a season of singleness. You are not incomplete if you’re not married; you are not half a person if you’re not married, you are only incomplete when you’re apart from Christ. In Him, there is wholeness; in Him you are complete and you have everything you need to live a fulfilling, amazing, abundant life. Remember, sex and marriage are not the endgame of God’s kingdom . . . Jesus is! Your conversion to Christ vastly eclipses your state of singleness or marriage. Sex and marriage are not eternal fixtures in God’s great story. So, rather than thinking about singleness as a temporary state before marriage, think about marriage as a temporary state before eternity.
As a single Christian, you are called to walk in sexual integrity and given the power to do so by the Holy Spirit. It may require some restoration from past brokenness. It will definitely require a renewing of your mind (Romans 12:2) and a deep understanding that your identity is not wrapped up in your sexuality.
Culture has fed us the lie that our sexuality is the bedrock of our identity, but this is a trap of the enemy that’s meant to keep us from being who we were made to be and experiencing all that God has for us. Our sexuality is just a small part of the overall human experience and a small part of who we are. Our identity is not in our sexuality, nor is it something we can find “out there” in the world. Our true identity is given to us by God; it’s who we are in Him. As believers, whether single or married, our identity is in being a son or daughter of God.
For the married Christian . . . Interestingly enough, Satan’s tactic for the single person is to tempt them into having sex before marriage; but for the married person, his tactic is to tempt them into NOT having sex. This is a dangerous place to find yourself as a married couple. In the same way that single people have sexual desire, married people have sexual desire, and if they’re not fulfilling their desires in one another, the temptation to fulfill it through other means will be strong. For some, this leads to affairs—sometimes physical, sometimes emotional, as couples who are not intimate physically are often not experiencing intimacy emotionally because they’ve become accustomed to living as roommates or strangers under the same roof. For others, it may lead to pornography.
Chastity in marriage not only defies the design God has for marriage, but it also deprives the husband and wife of experiencing a much richer, deeper, more intimate relationship. It creates a wall of separation between husband and wife and opens up a whole slew of temptation and sinful behaviors.
This mingling of souls is an important part of the marriage covenant and relationship. It creates a level of intimacy and depth of unity that nothing else can. This is why the apostle Paul instructs in 1 Corinthians 7:3–5 (NKJV), “Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
Quote to Remember: Christians believe sex is for marriage, but that’s not what makes us peculiar! We believe a dead man rose and will return on a white horse. We believe He conquered the grave!—Pastor Doug Sauder
Join us this Wednesday at your campus as Pastor Doug shares the stage with Dee Prioetto, founder of Trees of Hope, as she shares her story of abuse and her personal journey from victim to advocate.
Then, at our weekend services, we’ll conclude this special three-week series with a special message by Moody Bible Institute professor, author, and speaker Dr. Christopher Yuan. In this message, we’ll hear Dr. Yuan, who once identified as gay and agnostic, share his journey and what it practically looks like to walk in holy sexuality.
Danny Saavedra is a licensed minister who has served on staff at Calvary since 2012, managing the Calvary Devotional and digital discipleship resources. He has a Master of Arts in Pastoral Counseling and Master of Divinity in Pastoral Ministry from Liberty Theological Seminary. His wife Stephanie, son Jude, and daughter Zoe share a love of Star Wars, good food, having friends over for dinner, and studying the Word together as a family.